You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
