Already got asked if we're dating
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
