Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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