im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
