I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
