Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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