is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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