its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We got so high we made milksteak
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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