giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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