Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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