it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
