I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
