and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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