my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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