ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
