Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
