I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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