she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
