$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
