meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
