i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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