There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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