I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i've created a new STD.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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