So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
