after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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