Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
