So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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