But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
