I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
