look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
