I think I died a long time ago.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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