Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
