haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
