There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
wanna go halves on a baby?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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