like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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