My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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