my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
