I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
