Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
BRING THE BAGELS
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
