Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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