Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
