I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
