You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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