I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
only you would photoshop your dick
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
