If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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