I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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