Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
