I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize