Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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