You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
