Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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