i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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