He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
