Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
