You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
