its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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