o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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