so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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