You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
