Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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